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Baby Makes 3

March 13, 2017 - 1 comment.

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Having a baby can be really tough on your relationship with your partner- and sometimes this can take you totally by surprise! During week 6 of our current Mummyshock course, we explored how having a baby can impact your relationship in terms of increased conflict, and feeling less emotional connection or closeness to your partner.

Other new mums in the group shared that, in contrast, they had seen a new side to their partner, and had felt more of a team than before.

The difficulties of couples adjusting to a new baby is not uncommon, regardless of how much you both might have wanted to have a baby. About two-thirds of couples see the quality of their relationship drop within three years of the birth of a child, according to data from the Relationship Research Institute in Seattle, a nonprofit organization focused on strengthening families. There is probably no more stressful time more pressurising time for a couple than after a baby has been born.

Here's a few pointers to help you negotiate some of the common issues.

    Cool your conflicts:

  • Edit your criticisms
  • Soften your start up in an argument
  • Learn to exit and repair the argument

    Work on your friendship together

  • Make time to talk deeply
  • Encourage each other
  • Work as a team with equal power-sharing

To find out more, you might want to join one of our Mummyshock 10 week courses in Brighton. We also offer couple counselling for new parents. Find out more at www.mummyshock.org.uk

Comments

Sally M
March 14, 2017 at 2:45 pm

I think this is so true! Me and my husband never really argued in the 5 years we had been together before having our baby, and then all of a sudden it seemed like we were constantly arguing. For us I think sleep deprivation played a big part, so the slightest thing became a much bigger issue because neither of us had the patience to talk it out. Also, I don’t think either of us had anything that important to argue over before we had our son, and when he arrived all of a sudden he was the most important thing to both of us and sometimes that caused tension when we had different views on how to parent (that’s still an issue!) I think now that our little one is 2 years old, we are getting more sleep and able to spend more time together it definitely has made a difference – we argue a lot less. I’d say the first year was the biggest challenge for us, but we survived it and feel closer now than we did before!!

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